There is not one way you ‘should’ feel or act when Coping With Loss.
Emotional Expression can happen a variety of ways, and the idea of a ‘right’ expression of grief is nonsensical.
Don’t Should All Over Yourself. Some do better with talking, and some with acting – going for a run can be great for Processing The Pain.
Don’t worry about being ‘bipolar’ either. It can be normal to quickly go from feeling joy about a happy memory you shared to sadness/anger at another memory. Such emotional flexibility is actually positive.