Generally, you should keep relationships limited to the dimensions in which they are mutually beneficial for both parties.
And They Were Roommates
How many of us have lost a friend by trying to make them into a roommate? You start to fight about dishes, about who can decorate the living room - about a million things that hadn’t been issues for the years you’d known each other. It would have been better if you had left the relationship to dimensions where you both benefit (enjoying their conversation & company).
Someone can be a great friend and a lousy roommate - and that’s only an issue when you try and make them into both.
Each time you consider adding a new dimension, evaluate them from scratch. What does this person bring to the table for this dimension.
- A work friend may not make a good hiking buddy.
- A casual fling may not make a good long-term partner.
When you limit relationships to areas you mutually benefit, the friction goes away.
You stop demanding things from people that they aren’t good at. You stop Treating People Like Projects.
Instead, you can just enjoy the relationship you do have.
If the person, or the circumstance, changes so that a dimension is now no longer beneficial, you can drop it without guilt and pain.
If a friend gets into skiing, and you don’t like skiing, you have no Obligation to get dragged along in order to be “a good friend”. If they need help moving furniture, and you don’t want to add “help each other move furniture” as a dimension, it’s ok to say it’s Not My Problem.
Resentment and boredom would make you a lousy friend if you joined, and you know it.